I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
