No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
