I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk is not a location!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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