My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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