should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
