this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
