where am i from again
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
