He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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