Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
