I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
