Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
