cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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