Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
