I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
