Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize