I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
