i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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