1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
