kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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