I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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