On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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