Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
