Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
