So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
