On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
