Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
