if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Small penises have feelings too.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
