i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
