He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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