Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
