Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
