No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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