Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
