Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
