well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
