I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
