Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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