He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
