Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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