You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
