Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
