So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
