great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
