oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
