He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
