i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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