Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
