this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
