I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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