he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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