Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
