I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
