It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
