I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
