Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
